Time and time again, we see fans all over the world eager to watch their sports team play. Sometimes they even throw a party or a small get together. The problem is, are you inviting the right people? You see, big games such as the playoffs or championships require die-hard fans, 150% effort, and attentiveness. However, some people don’t realize that. Don’t be that guy!
I’ve studied the man cave atmosphere for years and have come up with a list of the types of fans you should be concerned about, as well as fans who should attend no matter what.
First, we have the muncher. This guy eats everything in the room. On top of that, he drinks all the beer, disregarding the fact that he didn’t bring any of it. The muncher is always raiding the pantry or fridge and next thing you know, the leftover wings you prepared for the game are destroyed and sitting in this guy’s stomach. He’s also secretly farting and stinking up the room ruining the festivities. The moment you find the muncher, you must neutralize him. If he doesn’t comply, then you kick his ass out and that’s it. He is never allowed to return.
The Gossip King
These guys are the worst. All we want to do is lose bets and watch our favorite team play. The gossip king is there to ruin your day. They talk about shit you don’t care about and at the absolute worst times. It doesn’t matter how important the moment is, these people don’t shut their mouths. The reason you invite this guy is because he’s a regular. He’s usually a good friend of the boys. However, if you’re really a hardcore sports fan you need to decide if this guy is necessary for the energy in the room. If he’s sucking the energy from the boys then he needs to go. It may be a tough conversation, but life is about tough choices, and this is one of them.
The complainer is seen by a ton of people. This guy is usually a realist, but you don’t need that. You need guys that are optimistic and ready for the upset. The complainer is usually the guy that’s verbally fighting everyone in the room. At this point, you give the guy the worst seat in the room, so he knows where he stands. The complainer needs to be put in his place by the host, but also needs to be backed by everyone there. The complainer can be the demoralizer of friendships.
The Seat Taker
The moment you get up from your seat there’s a risk of you coming back to find the “sly” seat taker in your spot. The problem with the seat taker is there can be more than one of these guys. What happened to seat check? It’s not respected nowadays. Especially if you’re the host of the event, your seat should never be in jeopardy. If it is in jeopardy, that says more about you as a person and speaks to how your friends view you. You should take this as a personal shot if you get taken advantage of by the seat taker. If this occurs, you should ban this man of all food and beverage rights.
The Know It All
The know it all is the one guy on this list that’s always in question when you’re inviting guys to the man cave. He thinks he knows the game better than anyone. He is probably a former washed up high school quarterback that really doesn’t know shit. Nobody wants to hear this guy call every play before it happens. Also, it’s never accurate. Did I mention the “know it all” doesn’t know anything? Yeah, this guy needs to shut his yap and watch the game. I know that feeling deep down when your squad is going up against better competition. However, everyone is over for one reason, and that’s to see a victory from their respected squad. You usually only invite people in the first place for energy. I feel like having more people makes it seem like you have a chance. Nevertheless, when the “know it all” is there, it’s like someone blew up a whoopy cushion and this guy sat on it. He just murders the atmosphere.
The Opposing Team Guy
I don’t know why people do this in the first place, but it always happens. The guy shows up in the other team’s jersey just to make everyone angry. The best feeling is when your team is crushing the other team and you get to slam it in this dude’s face. It’s the best feeling and it’s maybe why we invite this guy. Also, there is no reason for this guy to be a fan of the other team. Typically, it’s a case of the bandwagons. He’s not from their city and has no ties to the team, but that’s who they stumbled upon to root for. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter who’s playing, he’ll rock the other team’s gear just to piss everyone off. After the game is over, win or lose, this guy goes home immediately. He literally comes to stir havoc and then bounces. He knows damn well that the entire party is talking shit about him when he leaves.
Now onto some guys you want to invite to the important man cave event.
The Positive Vibe Guy
It doesn’t matter how the game is going, the positive vibe guy is exactly what everyone needs. He’s there to comfort your doubts and make you feel like your team can win even when there’s a 1% chance of it happening. The energy this guy gives off is electric and essential. He’s probably the nicest guy in the world, asks nicely for food or drinks, and you can always give him more than he can handle because he’s that nice.
The Stupid Stuff Guy
We all have that one guy who makes everyone laugh by making bets with himself, especially if something good happens in the game. He’s the guy who will hurt himself if your team scores and someone will take a video of it, so everyone goes viral. He’s all for the boys and drinks a ton of alcohol during the game. The stupid stuff guy is loved by everyone and is usually the clown of the group that gets everyone going. Another thing he might bring to the table is money. For some reason, he’s the guy that’s always chipping in the most for beer and food. This guy always has a stack of cash waiting to be spent.
The Beer Guy
The beer guy always comes in clutch with all types of beer. Any beer you want, this guy has it. He comes in with holsters filled with a variety of beverages, so everyone is happy. He’s also the guy who drinks the least so he can go on beer runs pregame, halftime, or postgame. Or he’ll drive drunk, which we DO NOT condone here at FanNoise. He’s the guy who never asks for a Venmo, but he’s such a good dude that everyone will pay him anyway. The beer guy is essential to the get together. He’s like the long snapper in football. He rarely screws up and is always there for moral support.
The Just Happy to be There Guy:
This is the guy who’s intimidated by everyone at the party and doesn’t often get invited to events like this. When he does come, he’s just kind of there. This isn’t a bad thing though because he’s there for the boys. He’s always trying to do the right thing, like offer up money, be the driver, or order the food. The food order is essential. They better have DoorDash ready at all times. The “just happy to be there guy” might even go up in the kitchen and put together a spread for everyone. He takes whatever seat is available and doesn’t complain. He’s even happy to sit his ass on the ground and watch the game. This guy is not usually liked by all. I picture this as the host’s friend that not everyone knows, but everyone is nice to him because he’s that guy. Anyways, it’s always nice to have a guy like this.
The last one everyone knows should be on this list is the “talks too much guy.” The reason it’s the last one is because it can be good or bad.
The Talks Too Much Guy
The Good: This is the guy who cracks jokes the entire time and he’s always on point. He is slightly hammered so everything he says is pretty funny. Also, it depends on his personality. Like I said, if this is the guy that’s funny and doesn’t know much about what’s going on, then it’s fine because he’ll probably talk to the people who give a crap about what he’s saying. The good one also knows his place and can read the room. He doesn’t talk to the people who are fully invested in the game.
The Bad: The guy on the bad side of this just doesn’t shut his face about anything. Nothing is good enough for this guy. He needs his own seat, beer, food, cushion, etc. He complains about everything and quite frankly, nobody cares what he says, which makes it that much worse. EVERYONE knows this guy and the host is always kicking himself for inviting him.