Thanksgiving is a time for food, family, coming together, and most importantly, some Thanksgiving football. There are so many signature dishes that make this holiday incredible. It’s a time to put all calorie counting aside and straight up feast. At FanNoise, we like to lump food and football in the same category. Food is a necessity, as well as food. So, we came up with a full thanksgiving starting lineup. That’s right, 11 on offense and 11 on defense.
Starting with the offense…
Every football game is won in the trenches. It would be rude not to start with the offensive and defensive lines.
Center – We start off with a nice bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy. A signature dish that is a staple on the dinner table.
Left Guard – At left guard we have green bean casserole. There is nothing scarier than a pulling left guard coming and blind siding a defensive tackle. Green bean casserole can be messed up by many people. It has to be topped off with some crispy onion strips for the casserole to be elite.
Right Guard – At right guard we have the corn casserole. Very similar to the green bean casserole, it has to be made properly for it to succeed up front and in your belly.
Right Tackle – Coming in hot at right tackle is the cherry pie. We have to beef up during this wonderful time. We also need to make sure our right tackle is beefed up.
Left Tackle – Onto the left tackle. THE BLIND SIDE. For this luxurious and important position, we have the dinner rolls. One of the most important staples in a Thanksgiving feast. If you aren’t hammering 15 dinner rolls at Thanksgiving, you’re doing it all wrong.
Quarterback – The quarterback is the most position in football without a doubt. We have the #1 dish of Thanksgiving at this position. THE TURKEY. This is a no brainer. Cook the turkey right or you’ll find your quarterback throwing pick after pick the rest of the season. That’s not what were looking for, especially during Thanksgiving football.
Running Back – At running back, we have the sweet potatoes. A nice sweet touch of toasted marshmallow on top never hurt anyone. The sweetness of this dish compliments the saltiness of the turkey so well that we couldn’t have found a better position for this dish.
Wide Receiver -The wide receiver needs to be fast and light on his feet with beautiful soft hands. A dish we found to be perfect for our wide receiver is the apple pie. Another staple in a Thanksgiving dinner. Apple pie makes you feel warm inside and so does a 70-yard touchdown catch during Thanksgiving football.
Tight End – At tight end, we have a nice crispy yet creamy bowl of mac ‘n cheese. Some don’t have this at their Thanksgiving table and I really don’t understand why. It’s a must! Your tight end is so important on the offensive. He needs to be able to catch and block. To be that big and that athletic is purely a gift, and so is mac ‘n cheese.
Fullback – Lastly, we can’t forget the fullback. The guy who puts his face right into the middle of the linebacker’s chest. At fullback we have the pumpkin pie. This goes without saying. It’s pumpkin pie. Come on.
On to the defense…
On the defensive side of the ball, we also start up front.
Defensive Tackle – At defensive tackle we have the ham. The second most important dish of the feast. Defensive tackles are big boys who clog up the run. They need their ham.
Defensive End – At defensive end we have the butter. I mean if the blind side left tackle is the roll, we need somebody to butter those bad boys. You know JJ Watt is slipping by offensive tackles every game. The defensive end needs to be articulate with his moves. Some plays he will use more butter than others.
Middle Linebacker – The middle linebacker simply has to be the stuffing. Get yourself a guy who stuffs the run just like you will stuff your face with fluffy stuffing.
Outside Linebacker – At outside linebacker we have the cheesy potatoes baby! This is such a versatile dish, just like an outside linebacker. He stuffs the run as well as drop into protection. Cheesy potatoes need to be crispy and creamy all at the same time. Some may say it’s hard to do. Khalil Mack might say different.
Cornerback – Cornerbacks need to calm down receivers. They need to follow them step for step just like your glass of wine will do on Thanksgiving. Wine ties all the food together and wets the pallet clean. Just like good cornerbacks do in football. A great addition during some Thanksgiving football
Safety – At the safety we have the salt and pepper. Most dishes on Thanksgiving can use some salt and pepper. Dash a little seasoning on your mashed potatoes and enhance those bad boys. Safeties like to disguise themselves on defense. Salt and pepper likes to sneak onto your taste buds every now and then. Just like a safety, you need to show blitz with the pepper and back off with a dash of salt when the play begins.
Don’t forget about special teams…
Lastly, we have a couple special team players.
Punter – The punter has to be the plate. The plate dictates how much food you eat, just like the punter dictates where the opposing offense will start. After cleaning your first plate, you need the punter to change the field position. The problem is, if you leave food on your second plate that results in a touchdown for the opposing team. You need to place your food precisely, so you know you’ll be able to finish. Putting too much on your plate will give your opposition a great opportunity to score.
Kicker – The kicker needs to be the leftovers. At the end of the game, the kicker can either win or lose the game for you. The leftovers are exactly that. Leftovers can either be amazing or atrocious. Just like kickers. The inconsistency is key here. You must heat up all the food properly, but not overheat it to the point where it’s burning your face off or overcooked like leather.
In conclusion, you need to set your lineup accordingly. Have your plate set up for victory. At FanNoise, we pride ourselves on putting you in the best position to succeed this Thanksgiving. Do it the right way and you’ll find yourself winning Thanksgiving. Do it the wrong way however, and you can find yourself battling from behind and your stomach might not be able to come back. That is not the recipe for watching Thanksgiving football.